I will be truthful and mention that before our rigid search...
...I had the opinion Jewish people were having shit between their brains.
Primarily, this is because all I knew of Jewish people...
...was that they paid Father very much currency...
...in order to make vacations from America to Ukraine.
I was of the opinion that the past is past...
...and like all that is not now, it should remain buried...
...along the side of our memories.
But this was before the commencement of our very rigid search.
Before I encountered the collector...
...Jonathan Safran Foer.
Your grandfather wanted you to have this...
...for your collection.
Who is Augustine?
Grandma?
My legal name is Alexander Perchov, but all of my friends dub me Alex...
...because this is much more flaccid to utter.
That is Father retrieving his fist from the right side of my face.
Father is a first-rate puncher.
This is my miniature brother, Igor.
I am tutoring him to be a man of this world.
For an example, I exhibited him a smutty magazine three days yore.
I explain it to him that this is because it was invented in the year 1969.
I know this because my friend Grisha knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor.
He is a genius, my miniature brother.
He will be made a VIP if I have a thing to do with it.
This is Grandfather. Like my father and myself, he too is dubbed Alex.
My grandmother, Anna, died two years before of a cancer in her brain.
Precluding this, Grandfather became very melancholy...
...and also, he says, blind.
His most recent employment was Heritage Tours...
...a business he started in 1950s...
...mostly for aiding rich Jewish people to search for their dead families.
It is a strange employment for Grandfather...
...as there is nothing he hates more than rich Jewish people or their dead families.
This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.
She is Grandfather's Seeing Eye bitch.
Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind...
...but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing...
...for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness.
In truth, Father did not purchase her at all...
...but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs.
Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch...
...and is also mentally deranged.
Most of all, she relishes when I sing to her her most beloved song...
...Billie Jean by Michael Jackson.
But now I must tell you more of myself.
I am unequivocally tall. I do not know any women who are taller than me.
The women who are taller than me are lesbians...
...for whom 1969 was a very momentous year.
For me, America is a first-rate place.
Most of all, I am beloved of American movies, muscular cars...
...and hip-hop music.
I also dig Negroes. Most of all, Michael Jackson.
He is a first-rate dancer, just like me.
Many girls want to be carnal with me because I'm such a premium dancer.
Are you Jonfen?
What?
Jonfen. Are you Jonfen?
It's Jonathan.
What?
My name. It's Jonathan.
Jonfen.
Are you my translator?
Yes, I'm Alexander Perchov. I'll be your humble translator.
I implore you to forgive my speaking of English, Jonfen...
...as I'm not so premium with it.
My name is Jonathan.
This is our driver. He is an expert at driving.
- Is he all right? - What?
I mean, you know, is he healthy?
Of course. He's my grandfather.
Please, do not be distressed. This is only driver's Seeing Eye bitch.
Okay, she's deranged, but so, so playful.
Wait, he's blind?
No, only he thinks this. Please, do not be distressed.
Are you sure he's okay?
What does he say?
He says, "Okey-dokey, we will go now."
- Where will the dog be? - What do you mean?
I have a phobia.
A fear.
I'm distressed by dogs.
Grandfather informs me this is not possible.
What?
No, wait. Wait. You don't understand.
I have a very serious, serious problem with dogs.
I can't sit in there. You...
Were you able to manufacture the:
- What? - The Z's.
Were you able to make the:
- I don't understand. - Repose.
Did you repose?
Yeah, I reposed.
Good. Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. Is also in repose.
- Why do you call her that? - What?
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.
Because Sammy Davis Jr. Was Grandfather's most beloved singer.
You know, The Candy Man. The Negro from the Rat Pack.
- And a Jew. - What?
Yeah, he was a Jew. You didn't know that?
Grandfather informs me that this is not possible.
Of course it is. He converted. He's the most famous black Jew in America.
- Please tell me, is the Shaq also the Jew? - Who?
- Shaquille O'Neal, the Los Angeles Laker. - No.
- And Michael Jackson? - No, definitely not a Jew.
Father informs me you are writing a book about this trip. You are a writer?
No.
Then what is this?
It's a catalog.
Catalog.
I don't know why they told you that.
I'm not a writer.
I mean, I write, but I'm more of...
...a collector, really.
And what do you collect?
Things.
Family things.
It is a good career, yes?
No, it's not a career. It's just something I do.
Why?
I don't know. Why does anybody do anything? It's just something to do.
I understand.
I also enjoy writing...
...but I truly feel I was born to be accountant.
Are we close?
Grandfather says we're very proximal.
He says it will not be long until we get to the superway to Lutsk.
And from there?
What did he say?
Grandfather says you should look out the window at the premium countryside.
- Are you hungry? - Yes.
- I just hope they have something I can eat. - What do you mean?
I'm a vegetarian.
You're a what?
I don't eat meat.
How can you not eat meat?
I just don't.
- No meat? - No meat.
- Steak? - No.
- Chickens? - No.
And what about the sausage?
No, no sausage. No meat.
What is wrong with you?
Nothing. I just don't eat meat.
What did she say?
She says they do not have anything without meat.
Don't they have potatoes or something?
The potatoes come only with the meat.
But can't I have a potato on a plate by itself?
Welcome to Ukraine.
- And these are your family? - Yeah.
My grandmother gave me this.
That's my grandfather, Safran. It was taken during the war.
It's you.
I've heard that.
- And this is Augustine? - Yeah.
My mother said that he never would have made it to America if it weren't for her.
And she's from Trachimbrod?
Or somewhere near there.
This is Kolki. My grandmother's shtetl.
"Shtetl"?
It's Yiddish, it means "village." It doesn't seem to be far from Trachimbrod.
That's why I was thinking it might be called Sofiewka now.
Why do you make such a rigid search?
I guess I just wanted to see where my grandfather grew up...
...where I would be now if he hadn't come to America.
You would be Ukrainian, like me.
Only not like me, because you would be a farmer from some unimpressive town...
...and I am from Odessa. - I see.
And did your grandparents ever return to Ukraine?
God, no. My grandmother would go crazy if she knew I was here.
Why?
She didn't think it was safe.
She said that before the war, Ukraine was just as bad as Berlin.
Jews weren't exactly popular in Ukraine.
When the Nazis invaded, she actually thought it would be an improvement.
Who told you this?
My grandmother.
Why did she say this?
I don't know. It's just how she felt.
It's nice.
Really, it's just for sleeping.
- Jonfen? - Yeah.
You were very proximal with your grandfather, yes?
Yeah. Why?
Tomorrow we will make a search.
Good night.
Make sure to secure the door when I am gone.
I do not want to make you petrified person...
...but there are many dangerous people who want to take things from Americans...
...and also kidnap them. Okay?
Okay.
Good night.
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.
Augustine.
- What is it? - Soviets.
What happened?
Independence.
Mention the other names to him. Perhaps one will sound informal.
Kovel', Kivertsy, Sokirentsy.
Here. Thank you.
- What are you doing? - For helping us.
- What? - I read in my guidebook...
...you can't find Marlboro cigarettes here...
...so you should take them everywhere as tips.
What is "tips"?
Tips are something you give someone in exchange for help.
You are informed you will be paying for this trip with currency, yes?
No, not like that. Tips are for small things, like directions or the valet.
- Valet? - You know, the guy who parks your car.
Why do you not park your own car?
How much currency would a first-rate accountant receive in America?
I don't know. A lot, probably, if he or she is good.
She?
Or he.
Are there Negro accountants?
Yes, there are African-American accountants...
...but you don't want to use that word. - And homosexual accountants?
There are homosexual everythings. There are homosexual garbage men.
And how much currency would Negro homosexual accountant receive?
You shouldn't use that word.
- Which word? - The N-word.
- It's not the N-word, but... - Negro?
Yeah, that one.
But I dig them all the way. They are premium people.
It's that word, though. You're not supposed to use that word.
What is wrong with the Negroes?
- Are you carnal very often? - What?
With American girls, you make sex often?
Not really. Do you?
I inquired headmost. Do you?
Not really.
What do you intend by "not really"?
I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes, either.
I've heard of this John Holmes. With a premium penis.
Yeah, that's the one.
In the Ukraine, everybody has a penis like that.
What about the women?
You make a joke, no?
Yeah.
- Where are we? - I'm not sure.
- What do you mean, you don't know? - None of the roads have names.
I thought you were a certified guide.
Grandfather is certified.
Maybe we should stop and ask someone.
I'm not a moron, you know.
I know what that word means.
What word?
It's Russian for "Jew," isn't it?
Wait! I'm coming too.
- What are you doing? - I'm coming with you.
- You should not do this. - Why not? I can help.
You cannot help. You cannot even speak.
It is bad enough that I am from Odessa.
I won't speak. I promise, I won't say a word.
Wait! What are you doing?
They do not know.
What about Sofiewka? Did you ask them about Sofiewka?
Maybe you've seen this woman?
What are you doing?
- What did they say? - Nothing.
They said nothing.
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., come here!
Hey! Don't do that!
Why were you speaking English?
I commanded you not to speak! You understanded me, yes?
- Yes. - Then why did you speak?
- I don't know. - Now they all think...
...I�m stupid American tourist, like you!
- I'm sorry. - Why do you not listen?
This is not your country!
Jonfen?
Yeah?
Do you think my grandfather is...?
What?
Distressed?
What do you mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean? I do not mean anything.
If I meant to say something else, I would say something else.
Something is not right.
It is as if he's dreaming all of the time...
...even when he is not in repose.
Why don't you ask him.
No. That is impossible.
You found gas?
What time is it?
He found gas.
It's beautiful.
Grandfather wishes me to tell you...
...that this is the most premium land for farming.
It's so green.
What?
What did she say?
I'm not so sure.
She says they are Trachimbrod.
'Tis a wedding ring.
She's also a collector.
Does she remember my grandfather?
Safran.
My family, they...
In case I...
My family wanted you to have this.
For everything that you did.
She says your grandfather was in love with Augustine.
She remembers kissing your grandfather...
...and she flew a little.
Jonfen, what you said at the hotel about Ukrainians before the war...
Yeah?
Do you think it's possible that my grandfather, he...
Your shirt's inside out.
What?
Your shirt, it's inside out.
What does it mean, "inside out"?
Nothing, it's just that the inside of your shirt is on the outside...
...and the outside is on...
Forget it.
Why do you do this?
Maybe sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget.
Jonfen, I want you to know, my grandfather...
...he's a good person.
She's never been in a car before.
Well, tell her they're safe now. She shouldn't be scared.
What is she saying?
They burned the synagogue.
They unrolled something on the ground and told them to spit on it.
It was their Torah.
First man was Yosef.
And told him to spit on the Torah.
They all spit.
Except her father.
Augustine.
She was pregnant.
He would not spit.
Her father would not spit.
I made one for you.
They're from the riverbank.
The Brod.
Trachimbrod.
He was gone before they came.
Where?
He went to America to find a place for them, and she was killed a week later.
Please tell her there's something I want to give her.
I think it was her sister's.
I can't.
She says you must take it. You're the collector.
She wants to know why Augustine buried her wedding ring...
...when she thought she would be killed.
So there'd be proof that she existed?
She says the ring is not here because of us.
We are here because of the ring.
Alex, tell her...
Thank you.
Look, there's something I want you to have.
It was my grandfather's.
It was nice knowing you, Sammy.
Jonathan!
I have reflected many times upon our rigid search.
It has shown me...
...that everything is illuminated in the light of the past.
It is always along the side of us...
...on the inside, looking out.
Like you say, inside out.
Jonfen, in this way, I will always be along the side of your life.
And you will always be along the side of mine.
Our families will be with us, and our families' families.
Your grandfather.
And perhaps, in some way, my grandfather as well.
It is possible I will never know why Grandfather did this to himself.
Perhaps he wished to bury his life...
...along the side of his past.
But I must tell you, Jonfen...
...in this moment, he seemed, as if for the first time in his life...
...contented to be where he was.
Jonfen, I am sending you this...
...because we have shared something to exist for.
And, of course, in case anyone comes searching.
Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.!
5@y3